Bear Jamboree

I found this picture I drew back in '03, and it got me to thinking about how cool bears are. Here's how it broke down for me:

BLACK BEAR
Black bears come in 18 different sub-species, one of which is called "Cinnamon". I have to wonder what characteristics caused this "Cinnamon" moniker. Are they red in color? And if so, why are they a sub-species of black bear? Do they make your tongue tingle if you lick them? Are they "gummi" in consistency? That should make them a sub-species of Gummi Bear. Science makes my brain hurt. C-

GRIZZLY BEAR
The Tom Hanks of bears. Grizzlies have got it all. The fear factor. The giant hump on their backs. The frosted tips on their fur. Suh-weeeeet! When you have nightmares of bears chasing you, you don't scream "AHHHH! HELP! IT"S A CINNAMON BEAR!!!" It's grizzly all the way. And if you still don't understand the power and majesty of G-Bear, check out "Grizzly Man", the greatest documentary ever made. A+

POLAR BEAR
Okay, I'm sick of people telling me Polar Bears have black fur! Are they blind? It's white! Just because some jerk makes up a fact about a bear, we don't all have to repeat it. Break the cycle, people! The polar, or "Sugar" bear, rates high because, to my knowledge, this is the only bear that has been known to attack and eat trapped whales. Let's see Cinnamon try that! A-

KODIAK BEAR
Don't quote me on this, but I believe the Kodiak bear is somewhere in the neighborhood of "Holy Crap, that's a big bear!" Considered the largest land carnivore in the world, this behemoth eats about 7000 pounds of fish a day and created the Rocky Mountains by wrestling with his blue ox. Additionally, as it's name suggests, it's very good at taking pictures. A

PANDA BEAR
Bamboo and the inability to reproduce are the two outstanding characteristics of this beautiful animal. In my research, I also discovered that they were once considered a raccoon species and they have six toes on their front paws. D

Grizzlies rule!

Peace out.